This week I am getting ready to go on an Inside Passage cruise next week, so I'm ahead of schedule. Next week I'll be away and I may not be able to post, but this week I want to participate in Madison Woods' Friday Fictioneers 100 word challenge. If you'd like to try it, check out Madison's blog instructions here.
Red Berries
"Don't touch those, they're poisonous," Donna hissed at me.
"Silly, they're raspberries," I replied, snickering. I ate one while she stared at me wide-eyed.
We walked on, and I saw her sneaking a glance at me every so often, expecting me to keel over and drop dead. Finally she asked, "How do you know they're raspberries?"
I enumerated on my fingers, "Shape, size, three leaflets per leaf, thorns, juicy when red (blackberries aren't you know.)"
"Show off," she said, flouncing off down the hill.
She asked for it, didn't she? I will never understand girls.
Loved this! Great characterization and it was also informative. Mine's on the list but there seems to be some sort of trouble with seeing it this week so, here's mine: http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-brambles/
ReplyDeleteNice :). Mine is here http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/06/28/the-poison-friday-fictioneers-628/
ReplyDeleteDear Lorelei,
ReplyDeletePerfect characterization on the path among the raspberries. Flouncing used well here. It's what girls do. Loved this piece of Summer's pie.
Aloha,
Doug
thanks for the visit and the comment.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I will never understand girls either.
Nice little scene. That lording over with knowledge is so typical of adolescent boys :)
ReplyDeleteSmall critique: you used the phrase "at me" numerous times. Not huge issue in a larger work but it jumps out in such a short piece :)
Enjoy your trip. Take lots of pictures, I bet it will be gorgeous. What port are you leaving from?
Hi Carrie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the "at me" catch. I seem to overuse certain words and phrases, and no matter how many times I read the piece, they just don't jump out. But now that you've pointed to them, boy do they jump out! Thanks,
Laura/Lorelei
And I'm leaving from Seattle, Carrie, forgot to include that. We have stops in Ketchican, Sitka, Juneau, etc. I can't wait!
ReplyDeletecheers,
Laura/Lorelei
The dialogue is informative. Didn't know the difference between the two berries, to be frank.
ReplyDeletehttp://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/28/w-m-d/
Yes, I see her ...flouncing down the hill... I get the impression they are teenagers and he uses his brilliant mind to lord over her. I would ...flounce down the hill...also and find a new boyfriend. lol. Lovely work. I'm on the list.
ReplyDeleteHaha..this was lovely and made me laugh too. Girls, girls...
ReplyDeletehttp://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/friday-fictioneers/
A nice and informative post. Mine is here and linked as well: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fridayfictioneers-seduction/
ReplyDeleteI like the dialogue - very believable. Mine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-bl
ReplyDeleteSociology, botany, relationship psychology and humor, in a handful of words. Awesomely delivered.
ReplyDeleteSociology, botany, Boys vs. Girls - 101 and humor, all in a handful of words. Well delivered!
ReplyDeleteI can just see him counting it out on his fingers, and the girl watching him warily. Great job getting these characters across in so few words!
ReplyDeleteBrian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/29/the-tenants/)
A subtly romantic and clever story. Good work.
ReplyDeletehttp://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/telestial-by-ilyan-kei-lavanway-for-madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-100-word-flash-fiction
tiya Townes has left a new comment on your post "Friday Fictioneers: Red Berries":
ReplyDeleteI could see how him being such a brainiac would send her down the hill in a huff. What a good piece. Mine is over here: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/flash-fictioneer-friday-berries-and-pip.html
I liked your use of 'flouncing' like most everyone else :) I could see the boy flaunting his knowledge, too, lol. Cute story.
ReplyDeleteWonderful and so true to life!
ReplyDelete