Lisa Solis DeLong Interview on Blood Brothers

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Dear Friends of Reading and Writing,

My friend Lisa Solis DeLong, another member of The Last Sunday Writers, has written a beautiful and courageous memoir of her experiences with first one son being diagnosed with leukemia, having a respite for a while, and dying, and then a second son being diagnosed with leukemia.  No one could cope with such terrible disasters easily, and Lisa has struggled as anyone would, but has some hopeful words to offer others in dark valleys in life.  Here is her interview with me.


  Lisa, do you think it was harder for you to deal with the tragedy of your first son’s death because of your background in nursing, or was it easier?  

My nursing experience prepared me for the reality that bad things happen to good people.  I was not naïve to death when Justin, my first, was diagnosed but and I was able to accept his diagnosis and treatment.  Nothing could have prepared me for his death.

You have a great “eye” for details, taking the reader along with you to medical venues and to your house.  Do you have any advice for writers who are trying to remember enough details of a place they’ve been only once or twice to recreate it in writing? 

I do a lot of journaling and have done so for most of my adult life.  I was able to recall details after reading my journal entries even though I didn’t always include setting details, reading my entries brought me back to locations and I could then remember surprising details.

 When I imagine how it must have been to write this book, it almost makes me cry, yet your writing doesn’t anticipate the negative, doesn’t dwell on pain, doesn’t end up with a message of misery but one of hope and love.  Are you basically optimistic or what do you do when it’s almost too much to bear the pain you’ve been given? 

I definitely am an optimist by nature.  In real time, I practice seeing the positive in life but do get worn out by negative responses of people around me.  Sometimes I retreat to being alone but can’t do that for too long as I have a healthy 12 year old son who keeps me laughing and that’s good.  I have learned from my boys that a day outside of illness and hospitalizations is a very good day—one I refuse to waste.  When the weight of grief and life stresses become too much to bear I dance.  Seriously, sometimes I’m so down and out that I just want to run away but instead I retreat to a couple of ballroom dance places.  Entering the ballroom, seeing aged grey haired folks gliding like youngsters, hearing Michael Buble’s “Feeling Good” and I really do feel good.  I dance twice a week, would do more if I could, and do a lot of walking.  Hanging out with my kids when we can just relax and watch documentaries about finding Big Foot with Jacob or Adult Swim with my 23 year-old daughter Jess, on TV and laugh is another favorite.  Jojo, my 18 year-old basketball player at Willamette University in Salem, Oregon is also a great joy magnet.  Seeing my surviving children thriving takes me away.

 Recently you posted an anecdote about your second son’s worn out shoes that really summarized for me your approach to life.  Would you share that with the blog readers? 

Oh my goodness, those shoes make me cry!  Jacob returned to public school one year ago after being on chemo treatments for three and a half years.  He came home from school the other day showed me a hole on the soles of his shoes and said, “Mom, can I get a new pair of shoes?”  This is the first time in his 12 years of life that he has worn out a pair of shoes.  This may seem strange but he has never been able to be active enough to do so.  Jacob has not had this many consecutive months of health in six years.  I asked him how he wore them out and he said, “I think it’s from shuffling,” as he slid his feet forward and back to demonstrate. Would it be too weird to bronze them?  Frame them?  Man, worn out soles—good news!

No, I’d agree they deserve that bronze!  Lisa, what has surprised you the most about becoming a book author?  

I had a woman accost me at a book signing because she was angry that I shared her adult daughter’s story.  I was very careful to get permission from the parents of children whose lives I shared but neglected to do so with this woman as her daughter was of age and I wrote only positive things about her.  I felt horrible, completely devastated by her in-my-face public display of anger, (she asked me to step outside at the book store).  I eventually worked through this and had her daughter’s story edited out for the sake of my own piece of mind.  Sure, didn’t see that coming.  

Was it pretty much as you expected?  There have been more positive experiences than negatives for certain.  I’ve found that it is far better for me to share my story with people in the right niche.  Today I attended an End of Life Nurse Education Consortium conference and was swarmed by nurses hungry to read my story.  Wow!  That felt good.  I’ve discovered that because of the sensitive and powerful nature of my story, it is important to find the right venue for effective book sales.  I have not tapped into online blogs and sites nearly as much as I should but find it difficult to find the time. 

What did you do to help people who might need to read your book to discover it?  I am a bereavement facilitator and nurse so I tried to get the word out to my contacts directly.  This has been the most effective use of my time for sure.  I’m not very tech savvy so I get frustrated using sites and programs I can’t navigate easily.  I do use Facebook and have had some positive results there.

Has your perspective on yourself changed since your book was published?  You know, I hadn’t thought about it much but now that you ask, I must say there are times when I am very proud of my accomplishment and others when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders to sell it.  I swing wide here.  I am working on letting go of measuring its success monetarily and enjoying setting it free—kind of like having another child. 

  Do you feel like a standard bearer for parents of kids with leukemia at all?
         I definitely do, which is ironic because when Justin was first diagnosed, being the poster mother for    leukemia kids was the last thing I wanted but I learned a long time ago to embrace my story.  Sharing it has connected me with “my people”:  writers, mothers, medical professional who care about sick kids and fearlessly kind people. 

Do you have any writing tips to share with the blog readers? 

A lot of people ask me how I was able to write about such painful aspects of my life.  Journaling has become second nature to me.  I need to get my thoughts on paper often or become too fretful.  Writing often, even if it is not being share publicly is good therapy and exercise.  If you decide to write publicly you can tap into your journals as needed for inspiration and information.  

How did you keep going long enough to produce and rewrite a whole book, even though reliving some of these events must have been very painful? 

I couldn’t give up on Justin, his strength, his story and the same for Jacob.  Every time I felt like quitting, I thought, You know, Justin never quit, and neither did Jacob.  So what if I cry when I write.  Shut up and write.  I also took lots of naps as emotional stuff is exhausting to share.  I’m a really good napper!

 Any other thoughts you’d like to share? 

The best thing I did for myself is to create a writing community.  Mine is centered around The Last Sunday Writers.  As you know, we meet once a month to read our work out loud, share information and encourage one another.  This group has grounded me.  Every time I attend, I feel like a real writer and that is so important as the task of writing is so lonely.  Create community!  Take classes, attend workshops, begin with whatever you can afford and keep showing up.

Do you have any blogs you’d like to recommend? 

Our TLS blog for sure! (Read it at: http://tlswriters.wordpress.com/).  I also have my website blog:  www.lisasolisdelong.com  but I must be honest here and say it is sorely neglected.  I do hope to blog regularly in the near future.  Thanks for the inspiration!

Interview with Barbara Abercrombie on Cherished

Dear writers and readers,

Here is a fascinating interview with Barbara Abercrombie.  If you ever have a chance to take a writing class with Barbara through UCLA or elsewhere, jump on it!  She has a new anthology of stories about adored animals called Cherished...hope you enjoy her interview!  Cheers, Laura

Hi Barbara!  How would you describe your relationship with writing?  Do you enjoy it, struggle through it, or some of each?

– It’s like a very long  marriage: passionate periods, tough times, and right now kind of mellow.  Writing fiction and pictures books for kids has always been a struggle for me, but now I’m more into essays and non-fiction books and for the first time writing is actually fun.

Your current book, Cherished: 21 Writers on Animals They Have Loved and Lost is an anthology.  How did you get thie idea for this book?

– I had blogged about losing my horse, how much I had loved him and how hard I was grieving for him, and one of my readers (a vet) said there ought to be a book, a collection of pieces like I wrote/blogged. And it was like Bingo! for me.  That was the kind of book I wanted/needed to read. And of course you always write the book you need to read.

Can you tell us a bit about how an anthology is born?

          – First of all I checked out Amazon and there was no book like the one I had in mind. So then I emailed some of my writer friends who love animals and explained my idea for the book, and asked if they wanted to write an essay for it - and if so to send me a few paragraphs about what their essay would be about. Then I found some published essays about loving and losing an animal by Anne Lamott, Tom McGuane, Jane Smiley, Mark Doty etc. and I wrote to them about reprint rights. Finally I had a proposal put together and sent it to my agent.

What did you like best about putting together this anthology?  What was hardest?

      – I loved practically everything about putting together an anthology. I’m a literary groupie so it was like getting to hang out with the band.  Even marketing – something I usually loathe – was fun cause there was always a group of us when we did readings at bookstores.

Do you work with an agent?  How do you view the role of agents today? 

– Agents are important unless you’re self-publishing – They deal with contracts that most writers don’t want to even read.  I sold some of my children’s picture books to publishers and then had my agent handle the contract. I also did that with Courage & Craft – my agent sent it out to everybody in New York and they replied with wonderful rejection letters but basically said, Who needs another writing book? So I did some research on my own and sent it to New World Library in California and they bought it – then my agent handled the contracts and money. NWL has turned out to be the publisher of my dreams – small and very hands on. And they love their writers. The bottom line is that you can sell a book to small publishers on your own (be sure to research what they publish) and then find an agent to handle the deal. The agent’s 15 percent is a bargain.

What kind of publicity help did you get from your publisher?  What are your thoughts about how authors should approach publicity these days?

        – I love New World Library’s publicists – they’re very available and have booked me on radio and pod casts, and do a lot  with magazines – and if I want to do bookstore appearances they set it up for me.  They also expect me to come up with ideas and contacts of my own – as all publishers do now unless you’re on the best seller list. The Internet is hugely important for publicity.  You need Facebook, your own website for the book, and also a blog.  I call myself the Marketing Whore when it comes to publicity because that’s what it feels like.  

What kind of books do you most enjoy reading?  Any current favorites to recommend?

       – I finally read The Help and loved it. Also I just read The Journal Keeper by Phyllis Theroux on a trip to Russia. I loved it so much I got in touch with her via Facebook from Moscow – and was thrilled when she replied. I’m now reading Lacuna by Barbara Kinsolver and a biography of Frida Kahlo. And Thirst – Mary Oliver’s poems. I love reading all kinds of books. You can’t be a writer without reading.

You have facilitated writing groups for women facing cancer.  How did you keep that activity from becoming depressing?

       – There was a moment early on in the workshop when I thought I just can’t do this – a dear woman I loved had  died – but then I realized most people didn’t die. The workshop was filled with people who went on from having cancer to thrive. And I went on to conduct it for another twelve years. It turned out to be much more inspiring than depressing.

You have taught a lot of wonderful classes at UCLA Extension.  What is it like working with such a variety of people, who have self-selected as members of your class?

       –  Joy, pure and simple. I love teaching at UCLA Extension. I love my students and I love the other instructors. I finally found my own community.

You travel a lot; does this feed into your writing or interrupt it?

         – It used interrupt my writing and it would take days, weeks, to get back into it. But there’s nothing like a book deadline to focus you, so for the past year I’ve written every day while traveling.  I love to write in hotel rooms or on boat cruises (as on our last trip to Russia.) or up in Montana where we have a place. My husband and our rather large family are used to me disappearing to write on vacations. 

Can you give us some ideas for creating a wonderful writing life for ourselves?

        – This is the subject of my next book! (A Year of Writing Dangerously.) It’s 356 days of anecdotes and encouragement and writer’s quotes. Kind of like a party – you get to hear how all these other writers struggle and have fits over their work. It’s also about thinking like a writer, writing every day, grinding through the tough times, etc. I just sent in the final manuscript to my editor at NWL.  (Message from the Marketing Whore: it’ll be published May 2012 and author is available to come to any and all groups to talk about the book!)

Any other thoughts to share with writers?

       – Just this: when you write you’re part of a community of writers. You’re in the Writers Club – the only condition is that you write every day. Even if it’s just for ten minutes. Even if you think what you’re writing is all crap (all writers feel this way at one time or another) and you keep going because only you can write your story – and somebody out there needs to read it. ( One of the perks: You get to read as much as you want – because that’s the best way to learn to write. )

Laura's note: If you enjoy Barbara's thoughts, you may want to follow her blog at http://writingtime.typepad.com/   It is often full of inspiration, not to mention many great book recommendations!  Also check out her website at http://www.barbaraabercrombie. com.  Cherished is available now on Amazon.com and you should keep an eye open for author events featuring her at your local bookstores.