Friday, June 1, 2012

Friday Fictioneers: Couriers in the High Peaks

Here's my 100 word response to the Friday Fictioneers photo of the week, Couriers in the High Peaks:

Into the icy wind, Gianna and I had to go.  We were almost out of food, and the snow had softened enough that we could pick our way through the scowling mountain peaks.  If we ran short of water we could melt snow, but so far it was no problem.  We bundled ourselves into our black hoodies, scoured the cave for tidbits, made sure we had the packet, started off when it was barely light.  Moving fast over the dark slopes warmed us up.  After we passed the dormant volcano, Gianna bent over a stream.  “Look, Cosima, fish!  We can eat!” she said. 

Check out Madison Woods' blog at the link above fmi.  Here is the photo we were responding to:


mik said...

That must be some package! Sounds like an exciting (and dangerous) job.

Welcome to FF (this is my fourth week and I'm hooked).

Best regards,

I'm here:

Anonymous said...

hmm. so possibly a post-apocalyptic world? scare food. now - what's in the packet...

derekosedach said...

Nice job! I liked the happy ending with the characters finding the fish, although I think I'd have liked it just a little better if you had placed the character in a little more starvation-danger leading up to it. So far it feels like they were kinda doing alright as scavengers, successfully finding little bits of food in caves, and confident about melting snow to drink. I'd personally enjoy the ending more if you tweaked a word here or there to hint that they were definitely in big trouble until they luckily found that fish.

Lorelei said...

Thanks Derek, Mic, and anon,
I need to learn how to up the tension early on for pieces this short, so I think writing these will help my writing a lot. I like your ideas for making the risk higher and the relief more profound when finding the fish.

moniqueshante said...

Interesting story! You begin to build suspense and as was mentioned, mentioned, I would like to see your characters in more of a struggle. When they were gathering tidbits, you didn't specifically say they found food, perhaps mentioning that they didn't find any tidbits could be a place to explain more about their situation. Great read, either way.

Lorelei said...

Thanks, Monique. I have a lot to learn doing these 100 word responses. I'm sure it'll be fun. I enjoyed reading yours too.

Madison Woods said...

Well, you've gotten lots of good advice so far so I'm just going to say that your mc sounds like the kind of person I'd want to be with on a survival hike ;) Thanks for joining us and I hope you'll be back again next week!

logo-ligi GH said...

You had me worried there for a while.
I half-expected a tragic end. Thankfully, they find some hope of survival.

JKBradley said...

I am curious as to 'the packet.' What information does it contain?

Thank you for sharing.

Lorelei said...

Hi JK Bradley,

OK, I made this up from scratch, but let's see what I can come up with.

The packet contains the bait that they hope will get Brin, an important landowner, to join their side in a struggle to control Demarnil. It's a list of those who've already agreed, and if it gets into the wrong hands, it's very dangerous for those on the list.