This week I am off to St. Louis on Friday, so I'm posting my #Fridayfictioneers 100 word piece a bit early. Am I always early or late? No, once or twice I've done it on Friday! But summer is a time of travel, so dates must bend and sway to accommodate my schedule. Do visit Madison Woods' blog to read more and join in to Friday Fictioneers. She always welcomes new Friday fictioneer writers!
I would like criticism and/or comments. Cheers, Laura
On the beach below Nobska Lighthouse we built a fire. In flat pan with an inch of water and a
handful of Fucus seaweed strewn around rested dozens of Cherrystones,
small clams in white shells, tightly closed. We put the pan on the fire.
Mickey and Royce capered around doing cartwheels while Zooey and I melted
butter with a squeeze of fresh lemon in it. As soon as the clams opened into butterflies, we snatched
them off the fire, pulled out the meat, dunked it into the butter/lemon mix,
and ate a bite of heaven. The
shells went back into the water.
19 comments:
Nice story. Makes me hungry for clams.
http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/aromog-and-modos-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/
Oh i really like this one, very vivid image and so simple yet beautifully written. Mine is here
http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/this-image-friday-fictioneers-810/
Yum! Sounds delicious and like a wonderful time. Thanks for sharing.
I really like the use of proper nouns in this piece - it makes it very specific and makes me want to find out more about this place and these people.
Since you asked for feedback, I wonder if it would work better starting with 'On the beach...' - that seems to work better with 'below Nobska Lighthouse'.
And my other very minor point is the line 'we snatched them off the fire' - which is a lovely line - but I was imagining the clams in the pan, not the fire, so this stopped me in my tracks.
Other than those, it is a lovely piece of writing - very vivid.
I could just imagine this. And almost taste them.
This one certainly got the gastric juices flowing.
Wish I'd been there.
I loved the use of proper nouns in this piece, they make me want to find out more about this place and people.
Since you asked for comments I have some very minor points:
I wonder if it work better starting with 'On the beach', and there's also quite a lot of clams, clamping in the middle section.
Other than these I thought it was a lovely piece of clear writing. Very vivid.
I was trying for a sensory feast here so I'm glad some of you felt hungry, etc.
Claire, thanks, I agree about On the beach and the repetition. Will try to revise and repost.
Lorelei
Ah, Realism for a change. Interesting! Never eaten, though they sound good.
Scott
Nicely done. I can smell the campfire.
Nicely done. I can smell the campfire.
I never cared for clams but this changed my mind and would like to try your version. Or is it bec. I'm hungry? Not sure. Anyhow, I was right there, frying them with you. Yum! Tks for visiting mine.
Now, that made my hungry. I'm going to have to make steamers one of these days...and soon!
~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)
I enjoyed it -- I could see it.
I love that simple sauce recipe. Think I'll use it for my fish tonight.
That is great, really clear and made me hungry for clams, which isn't exactly normal! Awesome job!
What an excellent take on the prompt, and it perfectly explained the empty shell in the water :-)
http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/08/10/friday-fictioneers-shell-seeker/
Yes, I'm definitely hungry now! Thankfully, I'll be eating blackberry crumble soon ;)
Good job. :)
We're here:
http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/pursuit-of-the-pearl
I knew I was going to come across a clam eating story. Very well done.
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